Losing my religion

This may be a sore subject for some people, or *offensive* to others. You'll either read it, and continue to judge me.. read it and get over it, or not even bother to read it but still judge me anyway. Whatever helps you sleep at night? Go for it. Doesn't affect me whatsoever.


Over the years, I have learned that religion is the touchiest subject EVER. (Along the lines of politics and abortion).
And over the years (TOO many years, if you ask me)... I have found my place in it all, where I am comfortable and happy.

Growing up in a religious household was confusing as fuck. That's the best way I can put it. I was told what to think, and don't question anything. That god lets bad things happen to good people to test their faith in him. (But don't question that). Do you know how that fucks with the head of an 8 year old girl who is being sexually molested by people who are supposed to be *protectors*? A LOT. But I eventually learned to accept the abuse, and believed that I not only deserved it, but I was the cause of it. And that somehow *god* found it necessary to let this happen to me because I was not a good enough "christian girl".
(I'm positive this was the cause of much of my self esteem issues growing up, as well as the cause of my 10 years of self mutilation/anorexia/BPD)
During my teenage years (much of which I don't recall, which is probably for the better)... I just remember defending my religion. But I had ZERO clue as to what the fuck I was defending. But I did it anyway. It didn't have to be logical, or make sense. Because *I* was right. Because it's what I was told and .. your parent(s) would NEVER lie to you...
Then I finally made it to adulthood. (which I actually didn't expect/intend to)... and traveled across the country to be with my love... and that experience had opened my eyes to an entire new world that I had NO clue existed. I met atheists, muslims, pagans, etc. All of whom I was told were hateful, unhappy, bitter people -when I was younger-. I mean I was CONVINCED of this. Holy shitballs was I wrong. They were just like me. Actually.. I take that back.. they were happier.
I began to read into various religions on my own. Trying real hard to throw away the rhetoric that was burned into my mind as a child, and instead read, and come to my own conclusions.

There was a lot of tears, a lot of confusion, a lot of questions, and a LOT of realizations. I wish it hadn't taken me this long to find this happy spot, but what matters most is that I am here and at peace.

I wholly believe that every person wants their beliefs to be respected. But, I don't see many of those people returning the favor to those of differing beliefs.

And in case you're wondering? I'm agnostic. I have pagan tendencies (it just feels so natural and warm to me)... secular humanist tendencies... (I like a logical discussion every now and then)... I think if jesus was a real dude, he'd be ashamed at how his *followers* were behaving these days...
 (a funny thing was said to me once... "You know, you're not even a christian, but you're the most christ-like person I know".... )
Which I think is true... and flattering..

Everybody wants to think they have the answer when it comes to religion. The fact is, there is no one answer. The answer lies in what feels right for you as an individual. What might work awesome for one person, might actually be a detriment to another persons life. FACT. I think we should spend less time on our high horse, and more time embracing our common denominators. Which is love, kindness, and treating others how we want to be treated. (And if you believe in unicorns like I do... then equality is high on that list as well).


I'm happy with my decision. You should be too. And we should respect that. (or stfu & gtfo)