I hope like hell, that I am making a difference.
I hope like hell that my children will forever know how much I love them to pieces.

We get older, and if we're lucky... we get wiser.

But we never stop learning.

(at least we shouldn't).


Today, I came to a sinking realization that I am going to be alone a lot more often than I'd like to be.
It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. And it's hard to explain why. But my lesson is learned regardless.

Less for everybody else. More for me and *mine*. Time and effort. Where it belonged all along.
(And I'm just now realizing this?)

embracing irony

As a recovering anorexic (I say recovering because I am not completely recovered... I have mostly good days, but the bad days sneak in every now and then)... I'm finding it a little amusing that I hate exercising as much as I do. The only exercising I enjoy is pole-dancing (which I can't seem to do as much lately, thanks a lot scoliosis/back pain) and hula-hooping (which I could do for hours! if you let me). Other than that? I pretty much dread exercise.

The husband-guy, myself, and our 2 boys have been going on 2 mile walks every other day. I hate it. But now that we've been doing it sort of regularly... when we skip days? I FEEL it. I hate that feeling even more. I shouldn't even hate exercising as much as I do.. it just means I can eat a little more, guilt free. The number on the scale is a good number. Not too much, not too little. So WHY all this hatred for exercising?

I don't know.

I'm not making my bon bon quotas...

The SAHM stereotyping.

I seriously want the people who think stay at home moms do nothing but sit on their fat lazy asses all day... and shove it up their ass.
And when I make small statements like "I need a vacation" DON'T respond with some stupid remark like "why, it's not like you work". ORLY?? Ohh, I forgot. The laundry, cooking, dishes, vacuuming/sweeping, dog walking, etc etc et-fucking-c .. all does itself amirite?

I'm glad the people that matter most in my life.. at least get it (That would be the husband-guy, and my 2 boys... who are always telling me to take a break).

To most everybody else.. my life is a vacation. PFFT. Wanna trade places? At least then I'd get sick days and  real vacation days.

Because a title is required

I really do want to write more in this thing... (I have a few posts that are private for now.. until I get my thoughts in them a bit more organized). But I guess I just have this fear of trolls/internet attacks on my opinions... which aren't exactly popular opinions. Or, like when I point out the flaws or hypocrisy in ones "logic"... that NEVER ever goes well. harr.

Well, we'll see I guess.

I want to start again.
Hell everyone else is doing it. I wanna be a cool kid mommy!

Hello, my name is De (not my real name but it's all you get for now). And writing for me is part of my healing. So are tattoos but this is cheaper, so this is what I will do when I'm having a girl moment and no cash.

Really, I just want to write better. I think I come across angry sometimes when I write.. and I want to change that. Because I'm not an angry person. But I don't think I do a good enough job getting any other emotion to come through my words.. (or maybe I'm doing fine and I'm just over-analyzing myself?)

I have a wonderful life, wonderful mangeek, wonderful children, and some awesome mood stabilizing stuff I take. My life (given statistics) is outstanding.


I dunno. It's a start.