Let me start by saying ALL mothers have a hard job. Period. Whether you're a working mom? Or a stay at home mom. It's an exhausting (but can be a rewarding) experience.
"It's not like you work"
"Oh, it's like being on vacation huh"
"Why isn't your house clean, you've been home all day"
"It must be nice to stay at home all day and do nothing"
These are phrases that have actually been said to my face. And you would think after a decade or so... I'd be used to them... but to this day, I am caught off guard with these very words (just not as often) and literally have no quick response other than "REALLY???"
So let me break it down a little bit... (based on the above phrases)
"It's not like you work"
Define work: WORK - noun - Activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.
Laundry, cooking, cleaning, balancing finances, (and the little extras.. like cleaning boo boos, helping with homework, baking, fixing torn clothing, etc etc et-effing-c)... hmm... sounds like work to me.
"It's like being on vacation"
Vacation - noun - A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, and relaxation.
So yah, I'm on vacation... when I manage to get some sleep.
"Why isn't your house clean, you've been home all day"
Because sometimes, I am fucking tired. Because sometimes that's all I do.. I clean up the same shit over and over to get a clean house, and in less than 24 hours? It's all back to where it was before I lifted a finger. Sometimes, that makes you feel like you're going crazy. Some jobs offer mental health days or sick days. The few hours that I decide to say fuck it? Is kind of like a mental health hour for myself. If my messy house bothers you that much? You're more than welcome to come clean it up for me. But I'm not paying you.. because I don't get paid to do this shit either.
"It must be nice to stay at home all day and do nothing"
Oh, I know right?? I also have magical powers, wave a wand, and things just get done around here.
I'm not saying I have it harder than working mothers. I am however saying that whoever came up with those stupid stereotypes about what SAHMs do? Can take that thought and shove it up their ass.
BTW... who do you think takes care of the children of working mothers when school isn't in session? Well there is daycare (if they can afford it).. maybe a grandparent or other family member... or... oh yah... someone who is a SAHM. What would some people do without us!
Monday, July 23, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Joy in little things.
The husbands pea plant:
Some flowers, that I'm just waiting for the flowers to actually come out and play:
And a good reason NOT to give up on plants. This kind of goes along with my previous plant post. They need LOVE to thrive (much like humans...) .. we almost gave up on this one... because we're not awesome (yet) when it comes to nature-y things... we kept these plants in the hall over the winter ... thought they were a lost cause... and the husband says you know? Let's at least try and get a little more life out of them.. and while it's not the prettiest plant (it's actually pathetic looking right now...)
There are a few new sprouts coming out!! Again, this may seem like no big deal to you... but for myself? well this plant reminds me of myself a little bit... just kind of given up on.. left for dead... but someone saw potential in it... and with a little love, time, and energy... new life is being breathed into it. In a couple of years, it will probably be more beautiful than the day we purchased it.
Slow down. Stop once in a while. I think people are too busy and stressed over trying to acquire as much as they can, that they miss the chance to see what they already have.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Losing my religion
This may be a sore subject for some people, or *offensive* to others. You'll either read it, and continue to judge me.. read it and get over it, or not even bother to read it but still judge me anyway. Whatever helps you sleep at night? Go for it. Doesn't affect me whatsoever.
Over the years, I have learned that religion is the touchiest subject EVER. (Along the lines of politics and abortion).
And over the years (TOO many years, if you ask me)... I have found my place in it all, where I am comfortable and happy.
Growing up in a religious household was confusing as fuck. That's the best way I can put it. I was told what to think, and don't question anything. That god lets bad things happen to good people to test their faith in him. (But don't question that). Do you know how that fucks with the head of an 8 year old girl who is being sexually molested by people who are supposed to be *protectors*? A LOT. But I eventually learned to accept the abuse, and believed that I not only deserved it, but I was the cause of it. And that somehow *god* found it necessary to let this happen to me because I was not a good enough "christian girl".
(I'm positive this was the cause of much of my self esteem issues growing up, as well as the cause of my 10 years of self mutilation/anorexia/BPD)
During my teenage years (much of which I don't recall, which is probably for the better)... I just remember defending my religion. But I had ZERO clue as to what the fuck I was defending. But I did it anyway. It didn't have to be logical, or make sense. Because *I* was right. Because it's what I was told and .. your parent(s) would NEVER lie to you...
Then I finally made it to adulthood. (which I actually didn't expect/intend to)... and traveled across the country to be with my love... and that experience had opened my eyes to an entire new world that I had NO clue existed. I met atheists, muslims, pagans, etc. All of whom I was told were hateful, unhappy, bitter people -when I was younger-. I mean I was CONVINCED of this. Holy shitballs was I wrong. They were just like me. Actually.. I take that back.. they were happier.
I began to read into various religions on my own. Trying real hard to throw away the rhetoric that was burned into my mind as a child, and instead read, and come to my own conclusions.
There was a lot of tears, a lot of confusion, a lot of questions, and a LOT of realizations. I wish it hadn't taken me this long to find this happy spot, but what matters most is that I am here and at peace.
I wholly believe that every person wants their beliefs to be respected. But, I don't see many of those people returning the favor to those of differing beliefs.
And in case you're wondering? I'm agnostic. I have pagan tendencies (it just feels so natural and warm to me)... secular humanist tendencies... (I like a logical discussion every now and then)... I think if jesus was a real dude, he'd be ashamed at how his *followers* were behaving these days...
(a funny thing was said to me once... "You know, you're not even a christian, but you're the most christ-like person I know".... )
Which I think is true... and flattering..
Everybody wants to think they have the answer when it comes to religion. The fact is, there is no one answer. The answer lies in what feels right for you as an individual. What might work awesome for one person, might actually be a detriment to another persons life. FACT. I think we should spend less time on our high horse, and more time embracing our common denominators. Which is love, kindness, and treating others how we want to be treated. (And if you believe in unicorns like I do... then equality is high on that list as well).
I'm happy with my decision. You should be too. And we should respect that. (or stfu & gtfo)
Over the years, I have learned that religion is the touchiest subject EVER. (Along the lines of politics and abortion).
And over the years (TOO many years, if you ask me)... I have found my place in it all, where I am comfortable and happy.
Growing up in a religious household was confusing as fuck. That's the best way I can put it. I was told what to think, and don't question anything. That god lets bad things happen to good people to test their faith in him. (But don't question that). Do you know how that fucks with the head of an 8 year old girl who is being sexually molested by people who are supposed to be *protectors*? A LOT. But I eventually learned to accept the abuse, and believed that I not only deserved it, but I was the cause of it. And that somehow *god* found it necessary to let this happen to me because I was not a good enough "christian girl".
(I'm positive this was the cause of much of my self esteem issues growing up, as well as the cause of my 10 years of self mutilation/anorexia/BPD)
During my teenage years (much of which I don't recall, which is probably for the better)... I just remember defending my religion. But I had ZERO clue as to what the fuck I was defending. But I did it anyway. It didn't have to be logical, or make sense. Because *I* was right. Because it's what I was told and .. your parent(s) would NEVER lie to you...
Then I finally made it to adulthood. (which I actually didn't expect/intend to)... and traveled across the country to be with my love... and that experience had opened my eyes to an entire new world that I had NO clue existed. I met atheists, muslims, pagans, etc. All of whom I was told were hateful, unhappy, bitter people -when I was younger-. I mean I was CONVINCED of this. Holy shitballs was I wrong. They were just like me. Actually.. I take that back.. they were happier.
I began to read into various religions on my own. Trying real hard to throw away the rhetoric that was burned into my mind as a child, and instead read, and come to my own conclusions.
There was a lot of tears, a lot of confusion, a lot of questions, and a LOT of realizations. I wish it hadn't taken me this long to find this happy spot, but what matters most is that I am here and at peace.
I wholly believe that every person wants their beliefs to be respected. But, I don't see many of those people returning the favor to those of differing beliefs.
And in case you're wondering? I'm agnostic. I have pagan tendencies (it just feels so natural and warm to me)... secular humanist tendencies... (I like a logical discussion every now and then)... I think if jesus was a real dude, he'd be ashamed at how his *followers* were behaving these days...
(a funny thing was said to me once... "You know, you're not even a christian, but you're the most christ-like person I know".... )
Which I think is true... and flattering..
Everybody wants to think they have the answer when it comes to religion. The fact is, there is no one answer. The answer lies in what feels right for you as an individual. What might work awesome for one person, might actually be a detriment to another persons life. FACT. I think we should spend less time on our high horse, and more time embracing our common denominators. Which is love, kindness, and treating others how we want to be treated. (And if you believe in unicorns like I do... then equality is high on that list as well).
I'm happy with my decision. You should be too. And we should respect that. (or stfu & gtfo)
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Urban farming for dummies? and more Buffalo lovin
You won't be getting advice from me about the urban farming, because I'm the dummy. But I have to admit, the idea has more of my attention these days. We haven't even moved into our home, and my brain is already buzzing with ideas (thanks a lot hubs)... As a family, we've been thinking more about what we do has an impact on the world. Mostly little things... but we're trying. And growing some of our own fruits and vegetables not only would allow us to feed our kids better, healthier options... it'll save money on the food bill (don't worry... I'll still be stimulating the economy with my shoe purchasing) and any extra can be given to our friends and neighbors (sharing ftw). It's winning all around.
So for shits and giggles, I googled "Urban Farming". Guess what... 5 or 6 links down? are BUFFALO links. That's right. Buffalo sucks eh, but the city was on the first page of search results for urban farming. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself... (and nice to see the city TRYING to be more productive). In your face Buffalo haters!
The Massachusetts Project is a good example: http://mass-ave.org/ Located in the west side of Buffalo.. take a few minutes to check the site out.
On a completely unrelated to the title of this blog note, we should take the time to listen to children more. They have a lot to say.. and grown ups are too "busy" to listen to them. Then said grown ups want to complain when the children act out. Plus, kids aren't dumb. They act dumb sometimes, but really that's their way of filtering out all the grown up dumb.
So for shits and giggles, I googled "Urban Farming". Guess what... 5 or 6 links down? are BUFFALO links. That's right. Buffalo sucks eh, but the city was on the first page of search results for urban farming. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself... (and nice to see the city TRYING to be more productive). In your face Buffalo haters!
The Massachusetts Project is a good example: http://mass-ave.org/ Located in the west side of Buffalo.. take a few minutes to check the site out.
On a completely unrelated to the title of this blog note, we should take the time to listen to children more. They have a lot to say.. and grown ups are too "busy" to listen to them. Then said grown ups want to complain when the children act out. Plus, kids aren't dumb. They act dumb sometimes, but really that's their way of filtering out all the grown up dumb.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Various things I have learned over the years .. part 2
You're never too old to enjoy watching children's programming (preferably PBS, but whatever makes you happiest)
One of the most bittersweet moments in life is when you realize you're having an adult conversation with your child. (But you can find comfort in that when you know you both are on the same page)
They say you don't get to pick your family... I disagree with this statement. I have plenty of non-relative people who I consider family to me.
Everybody wants their beliefs to be respected... but few are willing to return the favor.
It's perfectly ok to eat ice cream for breakfast once in a while.
Sometimes you're rich.. sometimes you're poor. But if you can't find happiness in less, what makes you think you'll find happiness in more? (rhyming FTW)
If someone is talking about someone else behind their back, to you... chances are... they're talking about you behind your back to other people as well.
Wear what makes you feel pretty
Never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love, "I love you"
One of the most bittersweet moments in life is when you realize you're having an adult conversation with your child. (But you can find comfort in that when you know you both are on the same page)
They say you don't get to pick your family... I disagree with this statement. I have plenty of non-relative people who I consider family to me.
Everybody wants their beliefs to be respected... but few are willing to return the favor.
It's perfectly ok to eat ice cream for breakfast once in a while.
Sometimes you're rich.. sometimes you're poor. But if you can't find happiness in less, what makes you think you'll find happiness in more? (rhyming FTW)
If someone is talking about someone else behind their back, to you... chances are... they're talking about you behind your back to other people as well.
Wear what makes you feel pretty
Never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love, "I love you"
Monday, July 9, 2012
Why I heart my city
I've lived in Buffalo for the better part of my life. It wasn't until the husband got out of the military that we truly discovered the treasures that this city has.
Anytime I hear someone say they hate Buffalo, it's such a horrible place to live.. I can't help but think they live under a rock. Drugs and violence? Tell me what city DOESN'T have that?! I'm sorry, but if you think Buffalo is rittled with drugs and dealers.. guess who they're selling them to? That's right. Suburbia. Get the fuck over it. We are no different than any other city. We have our good parts, and our bad parts. But it's still a fantastic city.
Buffalo, as a city, has a LOT to offer.. and until you get off your ass and check it out for yourself? You'll never know. (But you'll think you do, you just don't... sorry).
For example? Plenty of festivals. Art festivals, food festivals, etc. What about free concerts? If you don't like who is playing? Fine, don't go. But it never killed anybody to try out a new music genre ... There's Shakespeare at the park (http://shakespeareindelawarepark.org/ for more info). If shopping is your thing? And you're tired of the regular walmart, target, whatever? Take a walk down the Elmwood strip. The store fronts alone can be entertaining to the eye, and you'll find some pretty cool stuff in these stores that you won't find in your average french fry shop. Hungry? Drive down hertel ave... if the smell alone doesn't drive you insane with food lust? See an ENT. And a shrink while you're at it. Because you're nuts.
If the night life scene is your thing? Chippewa is filled with all of that (though I prefer more gay in my drinks... and thankfully Buffalo has an excellent LGBT scene.. they're like my family).
Hell, anytime friends visit from out of state, they always have fantastic stories to tell from their visit :-D
I'm happy to say that we even purchased our home in Buffalo. (And there are some GORGEOUS homes in Buffalo.. I would have loved to owned a home on Bidwell Ave, Delaware Ave, etc.. sadly, not in our price range.. ) But we found a good sized home, with a good sized lot, for a great price. And the taxes on the house? NOT scary at all.
So hate on Buffalo if you want... (but I'm just going to assume you're a Grade A snob)... I love this city. It has it's bad apples... (AGAIN, may I point out.. what city doesn't)... but it has entertainment, it has character, and it has history. And that is why I plan to stay here for quite a while...
Anytime I hear someone say they hate Buffalo, it's such a horrible place to live.. I can't help but think they live under a rock. Drugs and violence? Tell me what city DOESN'T have that?! I'm sorry, but if you think Buffalo is rittled with drugs and dealers.. guess who they're selling them to? That's right. Suburbia. Get the fuck over it. We are no different than any other city. We have our good parts, and our bad parts. But it's still a fantastic city.
Buffalo, as a city, has a LOT to offer.. and until you get off your ass and check it out for yourself? You'll never know. (But you'll think you do, you just don't... sorry).
For example? Plenty of festivals. Art festivals, food festivals, etc. What about free concerts? If you don't like who is playing? Fine, don't go. But it never killed anybody to try out a new music genre ... There's Shakespeare at the park (http://shakespeareindelawarepark.org/ for more info). If shopping is your thing? And you're tired of the regular walmart, target, whatever? Take a walk down the Elmwood strip. The store fronts alone can be entertaining to the eye, and you'll find some pretty cool stuff in these stores that you won't find in your average french fry shop. Hungry? Drive down hertel ave... if the smell alone doesn't drive you insane with food lust? See an ENT. And a shrink while you're at it. Because you're nuts.
If the night life scene is your thing? Chippewa is filled with all of that (though I prefer more gay in my drinks... and thankfully Buffalo has an excellent LGBT scene.. they're like my family).
Hell, anytime friends visit from out of state, they always have fantastic stories to tell from their visit :-D
I'm happy to say that we even purchased our home in Buffalo. (And there are some GORGEOUS homes in Buffalo.. I would have loved to owned a home on Bidwell Ave, Delaware Ave, etc.. sadly, not in our price range.. ) But we found a good sized home, with a good sized lot, for a great price. And the taxes on the house? NOT scary at all.
So hate on Buffalo if you want... (but I'm just going to assume you're a Grade A snob)... I love this city. It has it's bad apples... (AGAIN, may I point out.. what city doesn't)... but it has entertainment, it has character, and it has history. And that is why I plan to stay here for quite a while...
Friday, July 6, 2012
I don't have to paint my thumb green anymore!
Since I'm pretty much stuck at home most days... and severely lacking in adult conversation/stimulation... (and while I love crocheting, I still need a mental break from *that* even)... I have once again, tried my hand at growing plants.
I have never been able to grow a plant before. I've TRIED. And for the longest time I just left it as me having a "black thumb of death". Either plants just don't like me, or I am cursed. It came to a point where I would just buy plants and try (key word: TRY) to keep them alive.
How hard could it be??? Add water and sun?
I am now convinced... that like humans? Plants NEED LOVE to THRIVE. This year I decided to actually give a shit about what I was growing. And the results so far? (ok, nothing to write home about BUT....)
Ok, so I can't even remember what kind of flowers I planted in this thing. But there WILL be flowers, and they WILL be alive :)
Also:
Also:
I don't know what kind of flowers these will be either (LISTEN, DON'T judge me ok?) But they're growing!
Finally:
Finally:
The husbands pea plants. (I'm not brave enough to grow anything that goes in my mouth just yet).
I admit, none of these are show stoppers... but I grew them, and I'm proud of that. Just more proof that stepping out of your comfort zone (even if you have to KEEP doing so)... can be a good thing.
I admit, none of these are show stoppers... but I grew them, and I'm proud of that. Just more proof that stepping out of your comfort zone (even if you have to KEEP doing so)... can be a good thing.
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