children and choices

Someone once asked me how to do I get my children to behave so well...

I just responded with "They don't have a choice".

That's actually not all true. In fact, it's kind of the opposite.



When I was growing up, it was either "(G)ods" way, my *fathers* way, or the highway. The highway wasn't even really an option either.. because if you tried? You were guaranteed to be dragged back to the hell that was "home". The remaining options were nothing but blame, shame, and pain.
(Random thought: I always thought it was pretty ironic... to have a parent who worked at a psychiatric hospital... and having a large handful of their kids end up fucked up in the head, and not receiving any proper treatment... or .. working at such a place, and your job is to help people... only to come home and do the opposite to your own flesh and blood)

There was never a choice for me growing up.
I can't do that to my kids.
I want them to have choices. I want them to have their own opinions. I WANT them to question me. I want them to question everything, and come to their own conclusions.

Basically, I'm just taking everything my own parents did (in regards to raising kids), and I do the opposite. And so far, it seems to be working well for us. My kids are happy, healthy, and more importantly? They know they are loved.  They know they can come talk to me about anything, without worrying about being judged, or being yelled at, or whatever it is that causes kids to not want to talk to their parents. (I didn't have any of this growing up. I lived in fear most of my childhood).

I like to call this breaking the cycle.