Things I have learned in life... (I've lost track of which number I'm on)

People spend far too much time focusing where they *don't belong*... (where they don't fit in, etc). That only adds to the whole "feeling lonely" thing...  Once you start realizing where you DO fit in? You care less about where you don't fit in. You'll be having too much of a good time/life where you were meant to be and who you were meant to surround yourself with.

It's cliche, but actions really do speak louder than words. Too many people talk a lot, and don't even walk hand in hand with their own words.

There is no such things as too many hugs and kisses

Want positive in your life? Be/think positively. (it works) Want negativity? Keep complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.

If you have *what feels like the world* depending on you... STOP and take some time for yourself. You're no good to anybody if you let yourself get run down/over.

Everybody has their own vices. The funny thing is, they're always going to judge your vice before they judge their own.

Various things I have learned over the years .. part 3

Sometimes, you really need to take a break.. even if there is still much to be done, your body needs a break every now and then. If you don't let your body rest? Your body WILL make you pay dearly...

There are people on this planet that will do you wrong, and not feel bad for it, nor say sorry. These same people will often be viewed as "outstanding citizens"... "good people".. (etc)...  carrying on their facade, while also carrying around dirty little secrets. (Of course, nobody is perfect, but that's never an excuse to hurt/abuse/use others). There is nothing you can do about this. Accept this. But also learn from this, rise above this, and be better than those people.

There are also those who will use any and every excuse in the book to not better themselves and their life. Don't be that person.

Believe in magic.

Eat more fruits and vegetables.  Your body deserves that much...

Talk TO your children, not AT your children. Let them voice their opinion, and don't raise your voice when you disagree with them. They're individuals, not robots that you program.  If you can't deal with having kid that has a different opinion/lifestyle than you? Then don't have kids. Get a dog.

Success is subjective.

I have a confession to make: I was voted "most likely to succeed" in high school.

The funny thing about that is, I didn't understand what "success" was. I was just the girl who graduated valedictorian, called on the stage numerous time for the awards... etc.. but beyond that? What was "success" after high school, and HOW do/did I achieve it?

Back then, I assumed it was going to the best college, get the best job, make most money...(I don't know how one achieves ANY of that without a decent stable/personal foundation to start life on.. but that's another story)... and when people expect so much from you, and you are unable to live up to *their* expectations... it is a HUGE blow to  your self esteem, and you carry that "failure" bag around. I was NOT successful... (and that bag was heavy)

Now that I'm older, with a little bit more life under my belt... my idea of "success" has changed quite a bit ... I still think college is important, but I've learned that you can be happy without it. Money is important... but not necessary for happiness. (I mean, the hub-monster and I... along with our 2 boys... have been poor as hell... to living comfortably. We've always been a happy family. Money had nothing to do with that. Sacrifice, quality time together, PATIENCE, and communication did all that).

To me, success means finding yourself, being happy, surviving the bad, sharing the good, and making the best of life.


In that respect, I have succeeded.

Being a pretty ugly girl in a pretty ugly world

If there's anything I learned about being pretty ... it's to forget what you see as being "pretty", and focus on what makes you FEEL pretty.

RUN: broken_record

I think I was an UGLY child. I was. I'll face it. I could have easily been found on that awkwardfamilyphotos website. I was tall, skinny (I mean SKINNY.. bordering on starvin marvin skinny), huge purple glasses.. I mean yah, I was a nerd (smart) but boy did I play the physical part WELL.

Eventually, I started experimenting with clothes and hair and make up. And I made plenty of mistakes in the process (who doesn't??). Eventually.. somewhere during my marriage.. I settled for the blonde hair thing... because everybody said I looked pretty (side note: What I am about to say is not me saying "blonde isn't pretty" so don't get all butthurt if you're a blonde) I didn't FEEL pretty though. Can one be pretty and not feel pretty? I think so. I decided to go back to my roots, literally. I went back to red hair. Which I like. And it helped.. but it wasn't enough.

Long story short, I went from being geeky looking redhead in HS, to a purple haired, tattooed, bombshell. Ok.. so I'm a little flat chested to be a bombshell. But my point is I FEEL pretty. THIS is what makes me pretty. Being colorful, being different, being decorated.... this is what feels pretty for me. No, it's not for everyone.. but neither is being blonde.. or wearing make up... or whatever it is you might do to make  yourself FEEL pretty.

Stop trying to figure out what it is that will please everyone else. Do what makes YOU happy. Wear what makes YOU happy. If you want to walk around wearing a tiara and a glittery feather boa? WHAT are you waiting for??? Permission?? PFFT!! Just do it. Do it once, do it a thousand times. Do it because you might just feel fucking fabulous.

Feeling pretty might bring on some snickers... or stares.. or insults. But that's their problem, not yours. Because chances are if that is the case? You have more pretty in your pinky toe, than someone judging you does in their entire body. Those people come and go. You'll be there with yourself for life. It's worth it to feel  pretty... for yourself <3 "You're worth it"

The Stay At Home Mom saga

Let me start by saying ALL mothers have a hard job. Period. Whether you're a working mom? Or a stay at home mom. It's an exhausting (but can be a rewarding) experience.

"It's not like you work"

"Oh, it's like being on vacation huh"

"Why isn't your house clean, you've been home all day"

"It must be nice to stay at home all day and do nothing"


These are phrases that have actually been said to my face. And you would think after a decade or so... I'd be used to them... but to this day, I am caught off guard with these very words (just not as often) and literally have no quick response other than "REALLY???"

So let me break it down a little bit... (based on the above phrases)

"It's not like you work"

Define work: WORK - noun - Activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

Laundry, cooking, cleaning, balancing finances, (and the little extras.. like cleaning boo boos, helping with homework, baking, fixing torn clothing, etc etc et-effing-c)... hmm... sounds like work to me.

"It's like being on vacation"

Vacation - noun - A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, and relaxation.

So yah, I'm on vacation... when I manage to get some sleep.

"Why isn't your house clean, you've been home all day"

Because sometimes, I am fucking tired. Because sometimes that's all I do.. I clean up the same shit over and over to get a clean house, and in less than 24 hours? It's all back to where it was before I lifted a finger. Sometimes, that makes you feel like you're going crazy. Some jobs offer mental health days or sick days. The few hours that I decide to say fuck it? Is kind of like a mental health hour for myself. If my messy house bothers you that much? You're more than welcome to come clean it up for me. But I'm not paying you.. because I don't get paid to do this shit either.

"It must be nice to stay at home all day and do nothing"

Oh, I know right?? I also have magical powers, wave a wand, and things just get done around here.

I'm not saying I have it harder than working mothers. I am however saying that whoever came up with those stupid stereotypes about what SAHMs do? Can take that thought and shove it up their ass.


BTW... who do you think takes care of the children of working mothers when school isn't in session? Well there is daycare (if they can afford it).. maybe a grandparent or other family member... or... oh yah... someone who is a SAHM. What would some people do without us!

Joy in little things.

This is just a random, won't mean much to you update on our plantlings.

The husbands pea plant:

Some flowers, that I'm just waiting for the flowers to actually come out and play:

And a good reason NOT to give up on plants. This kind of goes along with my previous plant post. They need LOVE to thrive (much like humans...) .. we almost gave up on this one... because we're not awesome (yet) when it comes to nature-y things... we kept these plants in the hall over the winter ... thought they were a lost cause... and the husband says you know? Let's at least try and get a little more life out of them.. and while it's not the prettiest plant (it's actually pathetic looking right now...)

There are a few new sprouts coming out!! Again, this may seem like no big deal to you... but for myself? well this plant reminds me of myself a little bit... just kind of given up on.. left for dead... but someone saw potential in it... and with a little love, time, and energy... new life is being breathed into it. In a couple of years, it will probably be more beautiful than the day we purchased it.

Slow down. Stop once in a while. I think people are too busy and stressed over trying to acquire as much as they can, that they miss the chance to see what they already have.

Losing my religion

This may be a sore subject for some people, or *offensive* to others. You'll either read it, and continue to judge me.. read it and get over it, or not even bother to read it but still judge me anyway. Whatever helps you sleep at night? Go for it. Doesn't affect me whatsoever.


Over the years, I have learned that religion is the touchiest subject EVER. (Along the lines of politics and abortion).
And over the years (TOO many years, if you ask me)... I have found my place in it all, where I am comfortable and happy.

Growing up in a religious household was confusing as fuck. That's the best way I can put it. I was told what to think, and don't question anything. That god lets bad things happen to good people to test their faith in him. (But don't question that). Do you know how that fucks with the head of an 8 year old girl who is being sexually molested by people who are supposed to be *protectors*? A LOT. But I eventually learned to accept the abuse, and believed that I not only deserved it, but I was the cause of it. And that somehow *god* found it necessary to let this happen to me because I was not a good enough "christian girl".
(I'm positive this was the cause of much of my self esteem issues growing up, as well as the cause of my 10 years of self mutilation/anorexia/BPD)
During my teenage years (much of which I don't recall, which is probably for the better)... I just remember defending my religion. But I had ZERO clue as to what the fuck I was defending. But I did it anyway. It didn't have to be logical, or make sense. Because *I* was right. Because it's what I was told and .. your parent(s) would NEVER lie to you...
Then I finally made it to adulthood. (which I actually didn't expect/intend to)... and traveled across the country to be with my love... and that experience had opened my eyes to an entire new world that I had NO clue existed. I met atheists, muslims, pagans, etc. All of whom I was told were hateful, unhappy, bitter people -when I was younger-. I mean I was CONVINCED of this. Holy shitballs was I wrong. They were just like me. Actually.. I take that back.. they were happier.
I began to read into various religions on my own. Trying real hard to throw away the rhetoric that was burned into my mind as a child, and instead read, and come to my own conclusions.

There was a lot of tears, a lot of confusion, a lot of questions, and a LOT of realizations. I wish it hadn't taken me this long to find this happy spot, but what matters most is that I am here and at peace.

I wholly believe that every person wants their beliefs to be respected. But, I don't see many of those people returning the favor to those of differing beliefs.

And in case you're wondering? I'm agnostic. I have pagan tendencies (it just feels so natural and warm to me)... secular humanist tendencies... (I like a logical discussion every now and then)... I think if jesus was a real dude, he'd be ashamed at how his *followers* were behaving these days...
 (a funny thing was said to me once... "You know, you're not even a christian, but you're the most christ-like person I know".... )
Which I think is true... and flattering..

Everybody wants to think they have the answer when it comes to religion. The fact is, there is no one answer. The answer lies in what feels right for you as an individual. What might work awesome for one person, might actually be a detriment to another persons life. FACT. I think we should spend less time on our high horse, and more time embracing our common denominators. Which is love, kindness, and treating others how we want to be treated. (And if you believe in unicorns like I do... then equality is high on that list as well).


I'm happy with my decision. You should be too. And we should respect that. (or stfu & gtfo)